Review: Coffee Crisis (Steam)

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Coffee Crisis is an neo-rogue brawler that puts you in the shoes of the only baristas on Earth with enough heavy metal in their veins to fend off an alien assault. Play solo or join up with a friend to fight across eight unique locations ranging from your Coffee House HQ to the far reaches of outer space.


  • 16 Bit retro graphics.
  • 440MB Download size.
  • Four difficulties- Easy, Medium, Metal, and death.
  • Twitch/Mixer integration.
  • Two playable characters- Nick and Ashley.
  • Two players in local co-op.
  • Controller support.
  • Streets of rage inspired gameplay.
  • End of level breakdown.
  • Level codes for continues.
  • Steam achievements.
  • Power/health pickups.
  • Boss battles.
  • Button masher mini-games.
  • Trading cards.
  • Three Lives
  • Combo meter.
  • Bonus item drops from a small creature ala Golden Axe.
  • Decent sound effects.
  • A handful of enemy types like grannies, Grandads, aliens.
  • Colorful locations.
  • Retro atmosphere.

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  • Could have been a glitch but the game booted originally with no music turned on?
  • Minimal graphics options.
  • Cannot access options in the game.
  • Mouse cursor stays on screen when using a pad.
  • Hit detection is a bit off.
  • Little to no replayability.
  • Some annoying enemy types.
  • Levels feel too long.
  • Combat is very bland.
  • Short story.
  • No tutorial.
  • Same music track over and over.
  • Levels are basically the first few screens copied over and over.
  • Repetitive.
  • Boss fights are very simple.

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The Numbers:
  • 7/10
    Graphics - 7/10
  • 6/10
    Sound - 6/10
  • 7/10
    Accessability - 7/10
  • 6/10
    Length - 6/10
  • 7/10
    Fun Factor - 7/10


Nails the retro feel and look, Goes for a Streets of Rage/Final fight approach and absolutely smashes it, Its just it only has a small stable of moves and there is not that many enemy types and levels whilst initially nice to look out, Soon come across as a cut and paste repetitive slog. You can get fun out of it and the story is whacky and very short. Best played in co-op you have little reason to go back so maybe look at this game if you want a quick nostalgic trip with a friend.

Jim Smale

Gaming since the Atari 2600, I enjoy the weirdness in games counting Densha De Go and RC De Go as my favourite titles of all time. I prefer gaming of old where buying games from a shop was a thing, Being social in person was a thing. Join me as I attempt to adapt to this new digital age!

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